<The Kunnel's Moral Values{Truisms]>

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The Kunnel's Moral Values{Truisms]
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Instructions for Life

  1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
  2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
  3. Follow the three R's:
  4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
  5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
  6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
  7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
  8. Spend some time alone every day.
  9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
  10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
  11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
  12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
  13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
  14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
  15. Be gentle with the earth.
  16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
  17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
  18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
  19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
  20. The Old Kunnel adds: Even in a virtual world, wishing won't make it so.
--Thanks to for the 19 foregoing instructions. Please feel free to send him your comments by clicking on his name.

The Ol'Kunnel's Familiar Quotation...

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  1. Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
  2. I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
  3. If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
  4. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
  5. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
  6. I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
  7. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
  8. If the shoe fits...buy it in every color.
  9. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
  10. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  11. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
  12. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
  13. Some days are a total waste of makeup.
  14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
  15. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
  16. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
  17. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
  18. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
  19. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
  20. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
  21. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself

--A tip of the Old Kunnel's beanie to for the above submission.

(A Chemical Analysis)
Element: Woman

Symbol: WO

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118 but is known to vary from 100 - 160 lbs.

Occurence: Surplus quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:
1) Surface usually covered in a painted film.
2) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3) Melts if given proper treatment.
4) Bitter if used incorrectly.
5) Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.

Chemical Properties:
1) Possesses great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and other precious metals.
2) Able to absorb great quantities of expensive substances.
3) May explode spontaneously if left with a MALE.
4) Insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
5) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

1) Highly ornamental especially in sports cars.
2) Most poweful money-reducing agent known to man.
3) Can be a great aid in relaxation.

1) Pure specimen turns a rosy tint if discovered in natural state.
2) Turns green if placed beside a better specimen.

1) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2) Illegal to possess more than one except in certain areas.


--Thanks, Mark, for the greatest of truisms.

Why It Is Great To Be A Man
  1. Your last name stays put.
  2. The garage is all yours.
  3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  4. Chocolate is just another snack.
  5. You can be president.
  6. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
  7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
  8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
  9. The world is your urinal.
  10. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
  11. Wrinkles add character.
  12. Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
  13. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
  14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
  15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
  16. You know stuff about tanks.
  17. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
  18. You can open all your own jars.
  19. Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
  20. You can kill your own food.
  21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  22. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
  23. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
  24. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
  25. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
  26. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
  27. You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
  28. You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking:
    "He must be mad at me".
  29. You don't mooch off other's desserts.
  30. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
  31. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
  32. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
  33. You almost never have strap problems in public.
  34. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
  35. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
  36. You don't have to shave below your neck.
  37. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
  38. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
  39. You can do your nails with a pocketknife.
  40. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
  41. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
  42. Damn, It's Great to Be a Man!
The Ol'Kunnel Salutes --A tip of the Ol'Kunnel's beanie to an understanding lady who says:

"Let me tell you; I don't expect my girl friends to think this is great or
funny...........I am waiting for the one "why [it] is great to be a
12:19 11/9/2003
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